Report Card for Nokia Theatre; (Shhhhh, the band is playing)

Doors/Start Time: D
I got home to start dinner at 7:00 Saturday night. Checked my tickets which said “Doors at 6 PM”. AHHH! Hurried uptown and arrived at 8:20. First band went on at 8:00 and the headliner went on little after 9:00. What time do doors open on a weekday? 4:00?

General Décor: C-
Just like a Loews or AMC movie theater, except no popcorn. With spots to advertise products, such as Emerson alarm clocks. That’s to remind you to get uptown in time for the show.

Lobby, Etc: B-
Fairly wide and spacious. Several coat-check spots, although only one was open. There is a place to buy sandwiches, but no popcorn (I asked). The main space is located downstairs, so you take an escalator down. Walking down steps is for chumps.

Drink Prices: C-
Got $7 G&T’s. That’s what I’d expect for this place. Most people were chugging Amstel Light. Heineken is a sponsor, but doubt they have deal for that or else why’d people choose that crud?

Bar Staff: B+
Plenty of Bartenders. Very little or no wait time. The Bartender gave a little grief when I went to buy two drinks to take back in the show. Luckily she remembered me, but I still left my usual buck tip.

Sound Volume: F (actually, Double F)
Ok. Here’s the real dirty sock stinking up the drawer. The volume of the show was equal to level 8 (out of 30) on my home stereo. That’s low enough I could read a Russian novel or ask my neighbors their thoughts on Steven Hawkings latest theory. At first, I thought, “it sucks they don’t turn it up for the opening band, because they aren’t that bad.” Unfortunately, it didn’t get any louder for the headliner. The audience shouted out several times that we couldn’t hear, but to no avail. It really really sucked. We can SEE the band is playing, but we can’t HEAR. The only time it got loud was when the crowd sang along. Near the end, they turned up the volume a tiny bit, but the PA gave a tinny, rattling sound. Not cool. I will avoid this venue at ALL COSTS in the future.

Sound Mix: n/a
Couldn’t even hear to make an honest assessment.

Performance Space: B+
Nice and wide. Split level (about 2-3 feet difference, maybe?) Stadium seating in the way back. Ugly chandeliers above. Speakers are horribly set up. I got more volume from the amps on stage.